so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
