Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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