You can't special order awesome
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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