never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
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He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
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Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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