His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
