So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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