I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
