He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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