Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You've changed since you got that strap on
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
So here I am, sexting at work.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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