How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
