Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
