She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
