Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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