it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
