im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
