i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
