I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize