dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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