i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
