so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
