also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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