North Korea, Best Korea!
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
