guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We were destined to go to rehab together
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
