My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
