the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
