Cold hands, warm shart.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize