Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
