Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
