Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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