wakey wakey hands off snakey
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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