3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
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She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
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That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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