So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
