hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
