his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
