i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
