I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It's blow job season.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
