Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
