Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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