i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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