I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
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There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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