yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
