Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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