i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's official drugs can't kill me
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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