In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
