Im at strip club and am horny
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
