some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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