i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
