those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
