God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
