Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
