Your mouth is God's brothel.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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