I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize