He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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