I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
