Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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