I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Randomize
