I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
