I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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