Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
