Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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