You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
