so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
