Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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