I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize