i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
