Pants 0. Shit 1.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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