Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have started to decorate penises.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize