She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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