why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
