Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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