oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
